[GPS] Your first 2 albums were released on your own label "UMO Records". Is it important for Closet Monster to keep everything D.I.Y, and why?
[LONDON] We do not think that it is "important" to preserve our DIY fashion but more so a necessity. We have a passion for what we do and if no one is willing to help us well then we are not going to quit, we are just going to persevere and fight. Being in a band is tough and it is nearly impossible to get a free hand out so we are not about to sit in our basement and wait for one. We are just gunna do it ourselves cause that way we know that it is getting done.
[KYLE] It is to us because we want things done right, and we don't want any other issues being raised yet. From the start we've done everything ourselves, and it's made us happy.

[GPS] Is there any reason why you released cassettes over CD or vinyl?
[LONDON] Basically it accommodated our small budget, and it accommodates all of our listeners. It is very tough to name somebody who does not have access to a tape player of some kind.
[KYLE] Small, compact, a CD or record would be wasted on 5 song demos.

[GPS] So, Closet Monster has completed 2 successful Canadian tours. How was the response to the band when you finally broke free from good ol' Ajax???
[LONDON] We met a lot of great people and played a lot of great shows receiving good responses all over. We played our fair share of empty bars as well as a good number of all ages shows. As long as there was an audience (anywhere from 1-300) we had the time of our lives.
[KYLE] I was surprised. Our shows out of town before the tours went well, but you never know until you get out there. Lots of places (including the Hat) had very commendable scenes, with at least some kids really active and supportive, with the zines and the bands, and the comaraderie.

[GPS] What's the funniest story from your 2 Canadian tours?
[LONDON] Well let me see... there was Jesse and our comrades The Implants being banned from the states for a week and Kyle and I being stuck in Butfuck Washington not knowing what was going on.... there was when we were stranded in Kamloops because the promoter shafted us and we had to sleep at a baseball dimond.... an unnecessary 14 hour straight drive from Regina to Trail B.C. after the van had broken down, and we had to spend a night in the parking lot of Canadian Tire (who ripped us off). When we arrived in Trail, very delirious and "road crazy", we had to step right on stage and play. Great show though.... uhhhhh... the curse of the dreaded "un-named ghost" who caused a car crash, the van to break down, the loss of two sets of keys, the loss of tons o' money, the explosion of The Implants Radiator, the cancellation of tons of shows and much more... Kyle's first glimpse of the Rockie mountains. His mouth was touching the floor... The royal Albert crazies in Winnipeg keeping us up all night in our hotel room ranting and raving about MURDER!!! I dunno you chose one.
[KYLE] Hmmm, there was when Rudy sat on a cactus in Saskatchewan, the time I threw up on a 7-11 in Saskatoon, Dave dancing to entertain us in Medicine Hat, sneaking onto the waterslides in Medicine Hat, there's just too many to name a funniest. But I think that "BASEketball" at the Trail BC drive in was pretty funny.

[GPS] Now Closet Monster has devised their own political system called "Uniqualism"! Explain what uniqualism is and why Closet Monster supports it?
[LONDON] First off I guess that maybe we had given the wrong idea about Uniqualism because it is more of a way of life then a political system. We want to live our lives treating everyone we love,equality and embracing them with unity. It is comparable to life-style anarchism but does not involve any governments just the people around us. We support it because there is a lot of evil in this world and we think to disassociate ourselves with such superfluous negativity will result in a better existence for not only ourselves but everyone on the planet. We just want everyone to be treated the same, and given an equal chance for a "good" life. Uniqualism lies on the exact opposite plain as everything that is evil. It is not just for us and we do not proclaim ourselves uniqualists, we just live the best we can.
[KYLE] Firstly, it's not a political system. It may sound like one, but that's prob'ly just the "ism" part. Uniqualism is a way of living. It means you respect each and everyone (now, no one respects assholes and nazis, so, much as I hate too say it, they don't count. But hey, people change. Be optimistic) It's really hard to explain why the idea hit us like it did, people live the way they want to, and that was for us. Lifestyle anarchism is a bitch in this society, so if this makes it easier in the days leading to the revolution, then we've done our job.

[GPS] Obviously politics play a big part in your band! Why do you choose to include political content in your lyrics? Do you feel it is important for bands to bring forth ideals that kids may otherwise not be subjected to, and why?
[LONDON] We believe that punk rock is not just about the music. It is about creating an alternative, through education and unity, to the world that we live in (a.k.a. "the scene"). People are not taught or exposed to left wing ideas in school, it is almost a taboo and is not touched with a ten foot pole by nearly all educational facilities. The "left wing" has a lot of great positives to it's ideologies and involves many ideas which oppose conventional thinking and could reform the world for the better of humanity therefore everybody is hidden from these ideas. We think that everyone should have the opportunity to experience true freedom and think for themselves, left-wing politics allow people to do that because it allows them to see the other side of life and politics. We just want to help in allowing people to start to consider other politics, opinions, and views on life which we believe could benefit society as a whole and on an individual basis.
[KYLE] Political lyrics are very important to us, and since we're musicians anyway, it gives us the medium to express what we believe. I mean, when we started playing in bands, we weren't singing about political issues, but when we learned more and developed more (coincidentally from the music we liked) we evolved to that. Bands who feel strongly about political issues should sing about it, it helps get the word out it really does. Where would I be if not for Propagandhi and Operation Ivy? But I do like other bands who aren't overtly political. You sing about what you feel strongly about, that's where the best music comes from. That's why I love it so much.

[GPS] So has the scene changed at all from when Closet Monster formed and in which ways has it changed?
[KYLE] A lot of bands are taking initiative now, which I guess you could say attribute to our success with what we and some preceding bands did. We lay it out on the line, open to criticism and anything else that is incorporated.

[GPS] Who were some of your favorite bands that you have played with on tour?
[LONDON] There were quite a few... Smack Attack, One Shot Left, The Implants, Melmack Attack, The Francophobes, Jesse and the Prostitutes, Guilt Trip, Removal, D.B.S, F.Y.P, The FREAKIN Everymen!, and Out Of Hand. I know that there are more so I am sorry to our other favs that I left out... you know who you are. The Suicide Machines were pretty good too (not really my type of music though)
[KYLE] I liked the Implants from Trail, Low Belly in Red Deer, playing with our scene mates from here, Out of Hand, in Calgary was a blast, I really like One Shot Left (not to ass kiss, you can ask the other guys how much I played the tape) and I was really impressed by the Francophobes and Choke. And Melmac Attack from Trail.

[GPS] Who are some of Closet Monster's favorite bands in general?
[LONDON] Green Day, Marylin's Vitamins, NoFx, The Stiffs, Propagandhi, T.O.E, Beastie Boys,and Debbie Gibson.
[KYLE] The Mighty Propagandhi, NOFX, Green Day, TOE (from our area), the Stiffs (from our area)

[GPS] Did Closet Monster think touring would be different before you headed out, and what advice can you give to bands planning on touring for the first time?
[LONDON] We thought that it would be a lot worse, i mean it was pretty hellish but we were expecting extreme hell. We hear that we got off pretty lucky but it was still tough. As far as advice would go well be prepared for 1.Hunger 2.Sleep deprivation 3.Not shitting or showering for days 3. To kill for a can of peaches 4.Stench 5.No clean underwear 6.Long drives 7.The time of your life.... nothing beats "the road." It is the greatest experience of my life and I will keep doing it until I am old and grey.
[KYLE] I just don't think you can prepare. Before our first tour show in Thunder Bay, we were opening for a band called superGARAGE and i met up with the singer MArco and the drummer in the can, and they were at first like (heh heh...virgins.) But then they told me that the touring was great and the first tour is the most fun, the scariest and best time of your life. That's what I have to say, and they can have the credit, but they were right.

[GPS] Did you have any ladies underwear thrown at you(excluding transvestites)?
[LONDON] Well not really, I as well as you realize Kyle's striking resemblance to Tom Jones but I guess nobody else does. We did however have many gingersnap cookies tossed at us, mmmmmmm I love them cookies.
[KYLE] Only a fat, drunk, bearded old man's sweaty bach volleyball t-shirt. London put it on his head. we have a cute picture of it.

[GPS] Now I've never been to Ajax before, so is the punk scene decent there? Is there other rad bands or does Closet Monster just hold the monopoly?
[LONDON] It is amazing. I dislike Ajax as a city quite a bit but the punk scene is amazing! The people are great. The Chameleon Cafe is awesome. The local bands are spectacular. i love it. It is our home and always will be. If by "monopoly" you mean the draw well we have very supportive fans and friends but there are other rad bands too. Local Status, and Cid's Lance come to mind. AWOL (Jesse's old band) also come to mind. It is a relatively small scene as far as bands go but there are tons in the works (Spit Blu, T.H.C., and more)
[KYLE] The Ajax "punk" scene is thriving, but in a wierd way. It's like Medicine hats in that there aren't many mohawks or crazy leather jackets (that's what I saw there anyway, sorry if I'm wrong) and it's not too dogmatic. The kids normally have a good time, no fights, good shows. good bands like TOE, the Stiffs, Raw Energy bands, and some Ajax locals of note are Local Status, and Cid's Lance.

[GPS] So on your first tour Rudy played guitar and on the second tour, Jesse played guitar!!! So lets put an end to all the rumors and answer the age old question....WHAT HAPPENED TO RUDY???
[LONDON] Well I do not know if it is my jurisdiction to answer this one but I'll give you a hint. It had to do with a bear near Thunder Bay... give up? Well I'll tell ya. He fell in love with a sweat old bear named Laura and eloped only to divorce four months later on claims of audultery against poor Laura. They are now battling it out in divorce court over the custody of their three cubs but hopefully when that is all over Rudy will return to the band. Soon. Hopefully. We miss him and warned him about that sweat old bear. But he refused to listen. have you ever walked into a room and witnessed an 18 year old preforming oral sex on a giant black bear? Neither have I, good thing too eh?
[KYLE] Eaten by bear.

[GPS] So what's in store for Closet Monster in the near future?
[LONDON] Well hopefully our long awaited CD. Also another couple of tours between now and August and if we are lucky we would like to actually shoot a video. But other than that probably a lot of movie tuesdays, long practices, local Chameleon Cafe shows, Friday's of drinking, and James Bond feascos. We like to take it easy.
[KYLE] Lotso plans, nothing is concrete. playing show and fantasizing about our last two tours and waiting for the next ones.

[GPS] Any last comments???
[LONDON] Relate to us and we will relate to you. Peace, harmony, love, and anarchy. You rule Jeff. You are truely amazin.
[KYLE] I am Evil Ho-mer, I am Evil Ho-mer!!

[GPS] Well thanks for doing the interview...and on a closing note... Does Kyle still wear that "Fuckin Donuts" hat???
[LONDON] It was basically just a temporary since those crazy Montana Girls decided to steal his other one and recently replaced by a SNFU toque. It now has suffered the fate that most of it's novelty brother and sister hats have faced previous to itself (i.e. Crust, Cock, Poke Me and Die, and Tommy Pullmyfingure). It sits in a basement in some random suburban home.....Later dude.
[KYLE] I got myself an SNFU toque from Rob Johnson himself.